That's right, get out your note taking materials - you're about to be schooled.
So the other night, B and I went to a comedy show. We were sandwiched between the stage and this god-awful couple. (Sidenote: sitting next to the stage ended up being Awe---some!) Anyways . . .
Since we were humping the stage, of course, each comedian talked to us. Now, it's pretty simple - you voluntarily came to a comedy show, you sit up front, you can just about bet your life that they will talk to you - GO ALONG WITH THE SHOW. Don't try to be the show. You're not funny. You're not a comedic writer. You may watch 30 Rock every Thursday, but that does NOT make you Tine Fey. Shut the hell up and give the one line response the entire room expects, so the show can go on.
Simple rules, right? Common sense you could say. But no - this stupid bitch, who had a perm mind you, had to go against the grain. She had a smart ass thing to say about everyone, and in response. Example - rando comedian talking about how girls never have to pay anything. Points in our direction - fully expecting us to nod in agreement. This bitch goes "What's a check?" He didn't hear. She yells louder "What's a check?" I'm pretty sure she had to yell it again. Now I and the others sitting around you had to hear her terrible ass joke multiple times. NOT AWESOME. But the best . . .
So this one comedian did some joke about a blow job. To simulate said act, he put his mouth on the microphone. Granted this is gross - but it is not your job, as an audience member, to point that out. We get it. So when the host takes back the mic, this dumb whore (sidenote: hmm, could there be dumb whore lessons?) yells out: "Ew. That was in his mouth." She cannot get over the fact that this guy was now talking into a mic that was in the previous dude's mouth. Again - not your job to scream this over and over. She can't let it go. She keeps talking about it. So much so, the host dude has to address her. She makes her point for the 90th time: "What has been in his mouth is now in yours." Yes, for real she said this.
This host dude in his moment of glory goes: "Well the pillow you're leaning on has other people's farts on it, and it's now on your back."
Stupid Bitch: "What was in his mouth is now on your mouth."
Host Dude: "What was in someone's ass is now on your back."
Host Dude - 1 Stupid Bitch - 0
Stupid Bitches never win.
Lay his hands on me. 
(While this is clearly an older picture - he's still a huge fan of the open hand, fingers spread, arm in the air move. And I'm so very glad--he's super hot!)
(This pic may actually be from our concert. His 1st shirt was very similar to this. So tight, open in all the right places. His 2nd wardrobe change was into a super hot, button-down red shirt though. He was truly a work of art. Kate - these pics don't do justice. Trust me on this - you would have loved him. More than Pacey. I'm that confident. Note the arm move here as well.)
