Sexy Red

Your Seduction Style: Siren / Rake

You possess an unbridled sensuality that appeals to many. The minute you meet anyone, you can make the crave you almost immediately. You give others the chance to lose control with you... spiraling into carnal bliss. A dangerous lover, you both fascinate and scare those you attract.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

I'm scary? And dangerous? Super hot. My bad. But then again, maybe this explains why JCVD would be cast to play me--is his excellence not scary and dangerous? Great.

Sexy Rex

Random Enjoyment Pt. II

Love this guy, but love the dad more!

Random enjoyment

I love commercials! This one is pretty funny!

Jesus Christ Venereal Disease

I have attempted to do the impossible, but I thought to myself today--it just needs to be done.

Backstory:

A few weeks ago, me and my 2 friends decided to put in a picture of the three of us into a website that analyzes the photo and tells you which celebrities you look like. Well . . . the results were hysterical. In a movie starring the ever so lovely Niki, Jessica, and Amber, none other than the following would be cast to portray our excellence:


Starring Fred Savage as Niki



Starring Anne Frank as Jessica





And the moment you've been waiting for . . .



Starring Jean-Claude Van Damme as Amber

How fantastic is this line-up? In a movie about myself, I had always pictured absolute awesomeness playing me--but never the likes of JCVD! Loves it!

Main Story:

OK--now that you understand I practically see myself as a young JCVD, I began to think about his excellence. And well, even though I am fabulous in every sense of the word, as are Niki and Jessica, none of us were so fabulous as to be cast as none other than CHUCK NORRIS. So I visited one of my favorite sites that always makes me giggle, and I have compiled the most hysterical Chuck Norris facts.

Excellent facts in random order - Stay tuned for Top 10

• Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is te most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 mintures of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vission, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
• If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?", he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
• CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
• Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
• If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
• Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
• Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
• How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.
• The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
• When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
• Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
• Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!
• Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
• Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
• There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
• There is in fact an “I” in Norris, but there is no “team”… not even close.
• Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
• Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.
• Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
• In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost their virginity to Chuck Norris. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly.
• Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.
• Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Chuck Norris will beat his ass and take it.
• Jean-Claude Van Damme once kicked Chuck Norris' ass. He was then awakened from his dream by a roundhouse kick to the face. (I got a shout out!)
• Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.
• They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn't take shit from anybody.
• There are no such things as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
• Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you...Forty seven times.
• The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.

Top 10 Baby

10. Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.

9. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

8. Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly as foolish enough to attack him.

7. Kenny G is allowed to live because Chuck Norris doesn't kill women.

6. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

5. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spend the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

4. Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except for pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

3. Chuck Norris does not teabag ladies. he potato-sacks them.

2. In the beginning there was nothing. Then, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked that nothing int he face and said "Get a job." That is the story of the universe.

1. An anagram for Walker Texas Ranger is KARATE WRANGLER SEX. I don't know what that is, but it sounds AWESOME.

Excellence

"I got you so wet, it's like a rainforest. Like Jurassic Park, except I'm your sexosaurus, babe.''
- R. Kelly on the song The Zoo - from his new album Double Up.

Now if that doesn't turn you on, I don't know what does. Sexosaurus--rrooooaaarrrr!

Recgina

So I got a phone call from my best friend yesterday. We were of course theorizing over Lost and what it all means - translated into me actually daydreaming over which Lost hunk I want to be stuck on an island with. Then she begins to tell me about the MOST HORRIFYING article she read at her doctor's office that day. Apparently she had read all the normal magazines, so out of boredom she began to read one of the parenting magazines. Well . . . it had an article on things that women who have never been pregnant don't actually know. Did you know that during birth if they cut you from the hoo-ha to the other hole lacking a cute name that it may NOT heal???? This is terrifying people. I will now never have children b/c of this. Who the hell wants one giant hole down there? A recgina if you will. As disturbing as this is, I'm just betting half of you still want to see a picture of this. Nastos - I can't believe I'm friends with you people.

First Post Ever. Worst Post Ever.

So my friend has a blog, and she has convinced me that I am so full of excellence that I too need a blog. However, I have my doubts that I can entertain anyone with my rantings. I'm always up for a good challenge -- so to my friend, who likes to be called Natasha, IT'S ON!