We're going on a manhunt. . .

in Berlin! Yeah, this is a life update posting. We have booked our girls' weekend in Berlin. Yay German boys!

HP's Magic Wand

Forgot to tell you all that I got tickets to his show--I will see the wand and all its magical glory. I'm so excited to see it that I even forgot for awhile that there's an actual play.

What the hell is J.Crew trying to do?

Do you see that montrosity? Yes, that is a tight roll. I just pulled this picture from J.Crew's website. Not only is this how they wish to advertise those jeans, but are they honestly trying to bring back the tight roll?

I remember my first tight roll. It was the 6th grade, and I was one of the first to do it in my school. Call me a trend-setter if you must. BUT IT MUST NOT COME BACK. Gag me with a spoon, J.Crew -- As if! [Feel free to insert your own early 90s sayings. I tried to work in "Not" into this post as well, but failed. I'm a Loser (capital L over my forehead)-Zing!]

Warning: Rant Post

Is it me, or do people who act like they know everything and do everything make you super hateful, as well as, force you to daydream about karate chopping their faces? Thought so.

Anyways, that's what I deal with all day. There's a certain someone who literally thinks they (yes, I'm using the incorrect plural here b/c I don't want to type she or he) do everything. Someone will ask a question, and they shout out, "As I told you a few days ago. . ." or "I know what that is. . . " First, I'd really like to respond, "No asshole, I don't remember what your hateful voice shouted out at 1:37 p.m. exactly 4 days ago. Why? B/c everytime you talk, I slip into my karate chopping fantasy where you don't get a chance to tell everyone what you know every two seconds."

My favorite part is how they always roll their eyes and use a tone of voice where it literally sounds like it is physically painful for them to speak, yet everyone knows it isn't, b/c they actually love the sound of the voice explaining why they have a comment for everything someone else says. OMG. They are even forcing me to write in terrible run-on sentences. I guess I am just literally fighting for something to say so much so that I have now succumbed to typing as much as I can as quickly as possible. Like this annoying human being will eventually run over to me, push me out of my chair, and finish typing this post. But of course, if they did, it would be better b/c they did it. They are so awesome!

Drama Queen!

While I was reading Perez, I saw this clip featuring Madonna on the Today Show. She's talking about her new movie. Anyways - I'm not posting this for Madonna's outrageous British accent, but for Ann Curry's horrendous reporting. OH. MY. GOD. She is so incredibly dramatic, it's scary. I mean her first question alone--listen to the tone of her voice. I can't put my finger on it, but she is talking super
slowly, in a super saddened tone, and she's hunched over like f*ing Quasimodo. Seriously, can she overact any more? Terrible. F.

(If clip won't play above, click here.)

Maaakke. iiitt. Stooopppp. Puhleassse!

Annoying walker/runner: "Oh my god you guys, this is the route I walked this morning. I just walked all along this road. I took a different route from the last time we walked. Instead, I went one block over to here. It was really beautiful, and it was great exercise."

Two minutes later as we pass another street.

Someone else: "Oh this looks like a cute street."
Annoying walker/runner: "Yeah, I also passed this street on my walk this morning."
Me in my head: "Shut the hell up. Worst. Story. Ever. Why even speak?"

I'm super hateful, which means ranting posts to continue . . .

Really--you ran how many miles today? Wow, that's interesting.

I have realized that I hate people who run, and then proceed to ruin the rest of my day talking about their damn run. Now I don't mind people who run--it's a good exercise--I'm talking about the damn people who run, and tell you about every step.

"Whew, I had a good run today. Not like my run yesterday. This one, about 20 minutes into it, I was just running good."

Who the F cares??? I don't--the people who can overhear our conversation don't. I'm convinced these people are just so stuck on themselves that they think I give two cents about how when their song came on, they just booked it. I especially love how they want your entire life to be put on hold, so they can run too.

"Oh, I'd love to join you, but would you mind waiting until 9 30 pm? I know it's 6 15 and everyone wants to leave at 7, but I really need to run."

Well, you know what--you can run straight to hell. Please--don't stop until you get there.

I mean seriously--you run on a treadmill for like 25 damn minutes. You are no Olympic athlete. I don't admire you. And for you guys who only run--let me tell you, the 88 lb. frame that is your running figure--the panties just fall. . .

So for future reference--I'm so incredibly impressed by your ability to knock 7 seconds off your 3-mile run. I even keep my own diary of your running stats for my personal entertainment. So there's no need for you to recreate every painful step for me in the future. And no, I'm not waiting on your stupid ass anymore. And oh--the rest of us do exercise too--we just have lives and don't feel the need to tell you about it.