Mortal Enemies

For some reason, the little man who works in the exec lounge loathes me entirely. It started off small, a dirty look here and there. Didn't think much of it. Then, one morning he tells me that I can't take an apple juice and a water--something I have taken every morning since my arrival, and something that just about everyone else does. So I look at him, open the apple juice, drink it in front of him, slam the bottle down, take the water and go. WTF? I mean, why is he the apple juice police with me and no one else. So I was steamed - and then to top it off, when I went downstairs, others had 2 drinks--BUT NOT ME--OH NO. That little, hateful man made sure of that.

Things then escalate . . .

The morning of my flight to Paris, I went back to the exec lounge to print my boarding pass. Lucifer is again working. He sees my suitcase, smiles and says, "Oh you are finally leaving yeah?" "No, I'll be back." [insert sinister laugh here] He frowns instantly. He asks me where I'm going and what time my flight is. I tell him "10 am." Mind you, it's 7 am. We are 25 minutes from the airport. He then proceeds to go crazy on me:

"Oh no, you too late. You might as well go right back upstairs b/c you aren't going anywhere. I can't believe you are leaving so late. There is too much traffic. Tell Paris goodbye."

OH MY GOD. Is he for real? I have THREE HOURS DUDE.

I feel very uncomfortable, so I'm like "I think we're cool." I leave and decide to go down to the business center. I'd rather pay for copies than sit with this hateful man for too long.

HE FOLLOWS ME. Like I'm a shoplifter or something. He watches me print at the business center all hateful. What did I do to this little man?

So it is on. It has become my life's mission to mess with this man. I think tonight I'll go to the exec lounge, open one of everything, take a sip, and leave open bottles all over the place. Jake G. suggested that I just pour the peanuts into my bag, and then tell him they're out of peanuts. Or next time he follows me, I'll walk all weavey like to see if he does too. Yeah--these cruel cruel jokes will show him. You don't mess with a mastermind like me. Oh no.

Stupid hateful man.