Pay special attention to this lesson kiddies, as it may be one of the most important Stupid Bitch lessons of your life.
As a woman, if you are shoe shopping with a friend, every shoe in the store is NOT available to you. I know it appears that way b/c you walk into the store, and you can look, touch, smell, try on, whatever the hell you want to each shoe. BUT--a big "but" here at that--if another female you are with is eyeballing a pair of shoes before you, then those are her shoes. Even if the chances that she will purchase said shoes are about 2.8%, those are still her shoes. She has claimed them. This rule is so set in stone that you can take a girl's man before you can buy a pair of shoes she is contemplating.
I thought all mothers taught their daughters this. And if they didn't, a good ass-beating in an Aldo's back in 1997 did. I was wrong.
I was with perhaps the stupidest bitch ever this weekend. I saw a cute pair of heels that I thought about buying. I even point them out to my female co-shoppers. I set the heel back down to look at the shelf below, and this fucking whore I'm with swoops in, picks up the shoe, and asks for her size. I cannot for the life of me phathom this or sit here now and write up the emotion that was going through me. That stupid bitch bought the damn shoes. Outrageous.
Not only did she commit the cardinal sin of shopping with women, but she has forever cast herself in permanent bitch status for all time. Nothing she could ever do will erase this mistake. I could be dying and she could give me her kidney- still a stupid bitch. She could meet Shia, have the opportunity to sleep with him, but then proceed to step back and talk me up--so much so that he knocks of my door ready for marriage--still a stupid bitch.
Even still--the likelihood of her breaking her ankle in those shoes has just quadrupled. The bitch is going to hurt in those. She will have blisters. All shoe curses shall befall her. And the stupid bitch deserves it.
As a woman, if you are shoe shopping with a friend, every shoe in the store is NOT available to you. I know it appears that way b/c you walk into the store, and you can look, touch, smell, try on, whatever the hell you want to each shoe. BUT--a big "but" here at that--if another female you are with is eyeballing a pair of shoes before you, then those are her shoes. Even if the chances that she will purchase said shoes are about 2.8%, those are still her shoes. She has claimed them. This rule is so set in stone that you can take a girl's man before you can buy a pair of shoes she is contemplating.
I thought all mothers taught their daughters this. And if they didn't, a good ass-beating in an Aldo's back in 1997 did. I was wrong.
I was with perhaps the stupidest bitch ever this weekend. I saw a cute pair of heels that I thought about buying. I even point them out to my female co-shoppers. I set the heel back down to look at the shelf below, and this fucking whore I'm with swoops in, picks up the shoe, and asks for her size. I cannot for the life of me phathom this or sit here now and write up the emotion that was going through me. That stupid bitch bought the damn shoes. Outrageous.
Not only did she commit the cardinal sin of shopping with women, but she has forever cast herself in permanent bitch status for all time. Nothing she could ever do will erase this mistake. I could be dying and she could give me her kidney- still a stupid bitch. She could meet Shia, have the opportunity to sleep with him, but then proceed to step back and talk me up--so much so that he knocks of my door ready for marriage--still a stupid bitch.
Even still--the likelihood of her breaking her ankle in those shoes has just quadrupled. The bitch is going to hurt in those. She will have blisters. All shoe curses shall befall her. And the stupid bitch deserves it.
2 comments:
omg. baby names too.
Excellent comment and observation--it just may get its own post. I promise to never take your baby name KLolly. Never. I'm a true friend-ha!
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