Nay Niki--I Am Legend was great!

In response to my favorite friend, Niki's post about not seeing "I Am Legend," I felt the need to post that you should see the movie. I won't go into great details, but here's a few reasons why. First, Will Smith is simply delicious in this movie. You may not want to admit it, but he's a great actor, and he's beautiful. Seriously ladies--there's one scene in this movie where you'll wiggle in your seat. Second, the character "Sam" in the movie is simply fantastic--so much better than Mr. Wilson from Cast Away. (C'mon the movie premises are similar--one man shows basically.) Anyways, I say Niki was wrong--go see this movie. You'll enjoy it!

This is so friggin' me!

Life Update

Sorry I haven't been posting regularly. I've just been busy. I do think of excellent things to post during the day, but by the time I make it home, I'm too lazy to do it. Anyways. . . here are a few things that I'm currently preoccupied with:

1. My new hair straightener. It's genius! My hair looks awesome now. Well, at least I think so. This new straightener literally just makes it super straight with one go down. And I can curl it with it too. Greatest invention ever.

2. BSB--that's right my obsession is now back! The eternal 15 year old in me did go to Jingle Ball (and I got to bill those hours too!) this past Friday. It was fantastic! So many people were there-Alicia Keys, Avril Lavigne, Fall Out Boy, Timbaland, and BSB to name a few. I was so in love w/ AJ from BSB back in the day, and after watching them, I was instantly back in love. I love them all now--the way they move and make you feel as if they are personally singing to you. Sigh. I love being a tween all over again!

3. The Robot--some of you will know who I'm talking about!

4. Dino Comics--yes I'm about to post a new one. In fact, you probably read it before reading this. Awesome!

5. Belgium waffles--ok these tiny waffles that are super sweet may be the greatest things of all time. I just had one tonight and I think it might be my new favorite food of all time. Yes people, all time. Ok ok, that may be a bit drastic, but you get the point.

Well--sorry for the lame post. Just felt like typing some. I'll check back in later folks!

Just reminded me of me

Anti-harassment training made me violent

So work had this mandatory anti-harassment training. Boring and not awesome. Wrong -- it was awesome. And not awesome in the sense that it was great, but awesome in the sense that you can't believe dbags like this actually exist.

As part of the training we had to discuss various scenarios that could happen at the office, and then rate them in terms of just how bad they were. Here is the gist of the relevant scenario:

Male Partner tells Female Associate that he can't bring her to Atlanta for the deposition b/c he doesn't want people in the office to think he's hitting on her.

The Dbag who had to discuss this was asked how he thought the female associate felt when she was told this. And he said:

"I would probably be thinking 'Am I pretty?' An attractive woman who is used to being objectified might take offense. But an unattractive woman would probably be flattered."

If we weren't in anti-harassment training just at that moment, I would have pulled my hair back and met him in the parking lot. What a panty waste!

Greatest Video of All Time

If I have more than one kid, and one can dance like this little boy, I will love it more than the rest! [Warning, you will have to watch this video over and over.]

!!!!

Apparently, I'm exclamation point happy in my post titles. That's just sad. I really am 15. That or maybe it's my subconscious way of letting the world know I'm pretty happy right now? Shit, I"m happy right now? ha! There I go again.

But here I will give a shout out to Khang! Your surprise visit was great! And to my readers, there might be an AC post part II coming up in 2008! Exclamation point!

That's Right, I Did!

I passed the bar. So when I say this, it takes on a whole new meaning: "Fuck you bar exam!"

I want Dane Cook's babies!

Can I just say that tonight was the greatest night for me. Yes, I got to see Dane Cook in person. He is simply delicious! That smile, his voice, his mannerisms, his fake humping on stage--he has it all. He was hilarious as usual! I simply adore him. I will keep this post short b/c I really must get off to dreamland where Dane and I are riding in his CT2000, eating at the BK Lounge, stealing scrunchies at the Wall, and well, if you know why we are stealing the scrunchies, then you know what we'll be doing after that. ;)

Chongalicious! Hilarious!

I need your help--seriously!

If you have any good office prank ideas, please post them as a comment to me. It's now me (& H) v. Ari and Pete. I have to take them down. Get creative. Nothing too scandalous, dangerous, or anything that could get me fired/arrested. I prefer subtle but sly. And the hilarity factor should creep itself in there. Go get 'em kids--I know you can do it!

Harry Potter's Magic Wand

That's right folks--Harry Potter's play where he gets all naked with horses is coming to Broadway. I am so excited! The girls at work and I are stalking the ticket booth for when tickets go on sale for September. That may seem excessive, but not when you realize we are going to see his wee-wee. I should feel slightly filthy and perverted since he is like literally 18, but that's legal! And how many creepy ass men do you know who love to see girls who are 18 naked? And it's acceptable in society, so I'm saying no more double standard! I really really really want to post the full naked picture on here, but I just can't do it. So you'll have to settle for this!

Dear God--I'm going to be arrested for jumping on stage. But it's cool, I know that Niki will be right up there with me! ha!

Catch Up Time

Ok so I have a ton of posts to catch up on. So here goes nothing (no I don't plan to get them all done tonight!)

This was actually said to me the other night walking along the streets of Manhattan.

Me & Burke: "Lalalala, New York is so much fun!"
Random man: "Damn, I loves me some white girls."
Me & Burke: "Lalalala" said in a trying not to be afraid tone
Random man: "I'm a male prostitute. Whatchu want? I do everything. Boogers, snot, puke, piss, shit. I eat your asshole. You name it, I do it. Want me to eat your boogers?"
Me & Burke: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
[Insert more from random man about his 13" penis and how all men have 13" penises. If yours does not, then you as a woman, simply don't know how to turn your man on.]
Me: "C'mon Burke, let's cross the street." Random man still following.
Burke: "Why? We don't need to go that way."
Me: [OMG Burke--seriously? We have to escape this man. Outrageous!]

Day after Halloween in NYC is brutal!

I am so sleepy and was hungover all day. Bambi the blonde cheerleader partied hard in NYC last night. Halloween was fantastic! I would love to share more, but tonight, I must sleep.

Post 1 for Niki's challenge: done and done.

House of cosbys

Who is your favorite Cosby? I personally am fond of "bath tub Cosby." Hilarious.

Thanks for passing along "House of Cosbys' to me Karas!

Public Service Announcement

Do NOT, and I repeat, do NOT see the movie Michael Clayton. It's painfully boring and terrible. I cannot stress this enough. If you don't believe me, then you deserve to sit through this shitty movie.

My good deed for the day is done.

And BJK stands for. . .

BLOW JOB KING!

Of course when you hear the letters B and J together, you think blow job. Anyways, a very good friend of mine was like call me "BJK." I looked at him and said, "blow job king?" He meant for it to stand for something completely unrelated--but c'mon people this dude gave himself the nickname "BJK." He pays for it brutally everyday by me and some other friends.

Yay Khang!!!!

This is a very special post dedicated to my dear friend, Mr. Khang ------. For today, he passed the Virginia Bar, or at least found out that he did. I never had a doubt that Khang would pass b/c he was a crazy machine with those flash cards. Such a genius! Anyways, congrats to you Khang--job well done!

With that said, I thought I'd share some recent Khang fun that I had when he came to visit me in NYC! On this very special visit, Khang and I visited the Museum of Sex. Hot! We learned so much at this awesome and somewhat sketchy place. Allow me to share. . .



The 1st exhibit was on "Kinks." Basically it displayed just about every weird ass fetish that exists out there. Most notable was the "Furry" exhibit. Now for those of you who don't know, a "furry" is someone who dresses up in an animal costume and has sex with others in animal costumes. These people look like walking stuffed animals. See below:

Now Furries are different from Plushies. Plushies are actual stuffed animals with fake va-jay-jays that I'm pretty sure people have sex with.

We also learned about people who have fetishes with balloons, cannibalism, pretending to be in dire need of medical attention, and those who wear full body latex costumes that look like women. And most importantly we learned that:

"We don't choose our fetishes, but we can choose to handle them responsibly."

The next exhibit room was the history of porn in video, so you guessed it, we watched a lot of porn! I finally got to see celeb porn too! I got to see the Paris tape, Pam and Tommy, and Colin Farrell. Now let me tell you--Colin--creepo. That man has a darty tongue--that's all I'm saying. Ew.

Now, at this point I had hoped to put up a picture of Khang pretending to be in bondage, but lucky for him I'm having problems uploading the picture. Pure excellence though, trust me.

Khang and I had more fun in NYC, but I can't tell you everything! But here's a teaser. I'll tell you at another time - DOOWOP TIME, that is!

Pure Excellence

Ok-this video is crazy!
1. I love that R Kelly clearly went crazy w/ a Bedazzler.
2. His hair is too awesome for words.
3. In honor of Tyler - R Kelly seriously just raps what he sees. Here's Tyler's version of a R Kelly song: "I'm driving down the road, oh I am holding the steering wheel, there's a car coming in the other lane, ooh turn the radio knob." You get the point.

Disappointing New TV

I love it when the new shows come out and old shows start new seasons. But particularly dealing w/ the new shows -- I am always hoping that something great will start that I can become addicted to. And then in its 8th season, I can say that I'm a psycho fan who has seen every episode since it started. I miss you Dawson's. Anyways . . . I was hoping that would happen this season w/ The Bionic Woman and Chuck. But alas it hasn't.


The Bionic Woman



So most of you know how I love Buffy - and I was so hoping this would be a kick-ass girl show. But it's just not. There are moments where you could love her. And the Bionic Woman character is good, but something is just missing. And it's this--they don't have any coherent story line. It's too jumpy and there are no connections for the viewer. Like for instance -- SPOILER ALERT IF YOU DIDN'T WATCH TONIGHT'S SHOW --who the hell were the guys who killed an entire town? Why did the one girl live? Is the little sister psycho - b/c one minute she hates the sis, and the next they are hugging? Lame.



And oh let's not forget how the kill the cutie in the 1st episode. Then the other hot guy in the show had sex apparently but they totally cut that scene from tonight's episode. Lamer.


You get one more week out of me Bionic Woman.

Chuck

Chuck the character is adorable. He's cute and very likeable, but again the show is just lacking something. And again it's a good story. This too has too many holes. And there are so many opportunities for more comedy, but the writers just don't pull thru. There were 2 - count them 2 - funny parts in the entire episode this week. Thankfully for these crappy writers, it only takes one funny moment to make me laugh the entire night -- if not, then I'd hate this show. But dammit -- those 2 funny moments will pull me back in one more week.

Back to the show - anyways - I hate the sister. She's too "my life is perfect" for me. And ditch the bangs -- bad bad bad. I hate the friend Morgan even more. He couldn't be unfunnier if he tried. I hope they kill him in the next episode. And please please writers - develop a story. And try to make this show funny - I need it.

Too bad, I'm quite sure it'll be canceled soon. But I do think it's better than Bionic.

This Involves You . . .

Okay--if you are reading this, I would absolutely love love love it if you could tell me what you initially think of as soon as you hear these letters:

BJK

If you can't think of something for all 3, then at least tell me what your 1st thoughts are in regards to the 1st 2 letters -- BJ.

If you do this . . . I promise to tell you why I'm asking this of you. Trust me!

And if you are scared to post a comment - just do it anon!

SWF needs to wed ASAP!

I thought I was going to be so excited when I got my first paycheck--but oh no--I was not. Instead, I am being punished for being single with no kids. My taxes ass raped me. It's so sad. In fact, it is so drastic that Burke and I have decided to adopt a child together. Yep that's the plan. I'm getting a crib bunkbed for my room--it'll be all good. I just need the extra exemption. And I'll be sure to remind my new child that is just what s/he is. Best parent ever!

So that was my Friday. But today hasn't been all bad. My officemate thought she'd play a "prank" on me by posting a picture of NKOTB on my desk wall. That's no prank--that's a sweet sweet gift from above. I am so excited! The picture is of course staying. So professional!

Before work began, I actually had time to watch Bruce Springsteen perform on the Today Show. And in the audience some chick at 8:30 in the morning appeared to mouth the words "I'm drunk" to the camera. That of course made me love her. And then on the way home, I was so fortunate to see a man on the subway with the best white guy afro of all time. I proceeded to laugh hysterically, causing crowds to stare and hate me. I so love the city! Now I just have to start carrying my camera with me everywhere I go, so I can share these gems with you!

I Heart New York

I'm on my way home from work today, and in my "courtyard" - they have set up a huge big movie screen, and tons of people were sitting on the lawn watching a movie outdoors. It just made me smile!

It Rubs The Lotion On It's Skin

This is in honor of my friend Karas. I so missed him, and am so glad to have him around to make me laugh again!

It's So Obvious

In the Year 2000 . . .

So I love Conan! I am convinced he should be my husband. When sharing this info with a good friend, here is what she said to me:

IN THE YEAR 2000 . . .

Amber will steal Conan O'Brien away from his wife, only to discover that he is really a monster of a human being. He will treat her badly, and their relationship will end in a fist fight. He will then become the world's greatest boyfriend to Laura Golden.

Oh wait, that happens in the year 2006. My bad.

This short post is especially made for my LP-hysterical!

I'm Back For Real This Time!

Holy crap--it's been like forever since I last posted. How have you lived? Obviously, I'm writing to myself - no one reads this but me. Awesome! Anyways, I'm debating on whether to do a Cancun edition for the blog, so if you want one, let me know. Scandalous!

Anyways, it's nice to be back in the States. Although it won't be for long b/c I have decided I need to relocate to Mexico. I have finally realized that I love tiny Mexican men, and they love me. Sweet sweet memories! ha!

But to have internet back--holy crap--I have missed out on some serious celeb gossip. Like I didn't know that Paris Hilton is dating that Entourage guy. And even more importantly, I didn't know that I could care less about that. The most entertaining piece of "celeb gossip" I found was a pic of Cindy Crawford's son. That boy is the prettiest girl I have ever seen. I mean seriously--he's wearing pink lipstick for crying out loud. I want to be as pretty as him. It's unreal. His little sister, the little less prettier one, has to hate him. I can't stop staring at this kid. It's so creepy.



For more pics of this "boy" - go here.

Alright, I'm out for now, but promise to be back very soon!

I'm Back!

I sat down tonight to write an all inspired catch up blog b/c it's been so long since I've posted. Like I thought to myself that I could write all about the bar, but all I really want to say about the bar is this - "You suck." That about sums up the whole experience. So given my feelings, that would be the lamest post ever. Then I thought about writing about what I've learned here the past 3 years, and well, bitches--I know it all, and always have, so not much to write there. ;)

Alas, I have decided to make my 1st post in a long time about this. (And yes, I know I posted a drunken post the other night about stupid 22 year olds, but I've deleted that, so it doesn't count. Hey--it's my damn blog, if you don't like that, get your own.) So inspired by Niki's blog, I thought I'd post a few random pictures of my new favorite cutie!

His name is Bryan Greenberg, and you must see him in the movie "Prime." It's a really cute movie actually, and he's super hot. And he also stars in "October Road." Which I really want you to watch on ABC b/c that's my show w/ Niki and we need it stay on the air. So watch it.

Ok--so this is a bad post too, but dammit, good eye candy. (KLollyH--I know you will disagree w/ me on that one! ha!)

Good Luck!

To all my readers taking the Bar Exam:

GOOD LUCK!!! You'll do great--just breathe, relax, and choose "C." (Although, I think "B" is the answer more often.)

Bar Update

I was going to attempt to put into words the horrible despair and anguish I am experiencing right now, but I would never be able to articulate it for you. So for my friends out there in this bar studying misery with me, I have posted a few links to others' story and rantings about the bar. They are much funnier and articulate than I can be at this time. Perhaps you'll get my take on it all once I take this stupid thing.

Studying for Bar Exam

Crazy People in MBE Hypotheticals (not that hilarious--but so true!)

OMG-This guy is just too desperate even for me. I mean really? Would Mind Tek help you to analyze the law and apply it to fact problems? I'm not sure anything would help you in life, DG. I wonder how many different drugs this guy is on and how many bottles of gingko biloba he has swallowed. (Just kidding--does Mind Tek overnight?)

The BT's new uniform

Okay for the last one, this guy seems to be a current bar studier, and he felt the need to say that the bar so far isn't as bad as this:

"Food poisoning in Lençois, Brazil. The water went out in my hotel room, so I wasn't able to flush my diarrhea before I shoved my face in the toilet bowl to puke. And then I couldn't rinse the vomit taste out of my mouth."

On that note, I have to sign-off.

Hulk Dog

What the hell is this?

My Type of Man

I found this interesting article that tells you about yourself based on the type of men in movies you develop crushes on. C'mon--it has to be totally accurate! ha! Anyways. . .here's what it had to say about me:

The Warrior: Bruce Willis in Live Free or Die Hard, Brad Pitt in Troy and Viggo Mortensen in Lord of the Rings

What you’re really looking for: A man who is powerful and aggressive. This guy knows what he wants, goes for it and always gets it. You love that he’s tough and nearly always emerges victorious when he engages in battle—be it on the court, the field, the battleground or in the workplace.

The Love Doctor weighs in: “You like the idea of a man taking control of the relationship; his power turns you to mush. In picking a guy like this, you don’t necessarily have to have control over what goes on in your relationship all the time. He’s got raw sexuality, and you do, too, so you’re a hot pair.”

Ok-so you know you are competetive when. . .

Let me know the type you are most attracted to! It's not a quiz--you just read the type, and choose the type you are most drawn too. There's some tough choices to make girls. Boys -- you can play too!

Boy Shakira

Ok, so the other day my friend Barry mentioned how studying for the bar gives you "violent" moodswings. Well--he was right! I go from content, to stressed, to happy, to suicidal, to crazy sad, back to happy in about 3 minutes and 17 seconds. Awesome! (And if you say it's b/c I'm a woman and that's just normal, I will stab you in the face.) Anyways . . . I was watching the Hoff on "America's Got Talent." Tonight they were choosing the final 20 contenders. And Boy Shakira was one of them. The whole point of telling you this is b/c you know your hormones and stress level are out of control when you practially shed tears w/ Boy Shakira for making it to the finals. REALLY?!?! This is my life right now. Really? Crying b/c "dreams can come true in America." Thank God, I only have less than 2 weeks of this left. And then I get to do it all over again in Jan/Feb when I fail b/c I was watching "America's Got Talent" instead of studying.

Smelly T-Rex

Jen's Vlog (Please Don't Let This Happen To Me!)

I heart Jen. (Tape really stops after 7 minutes.)

It has come to this!

1. A and N are driving in State X. A is domiciled in X, but N is domiciled in State Y. A and N are on their way to a sketchy ass bar, where A and N both intend to drink alcohol, and offend other patrons with their dance moves. While in the car, A and N have the windows rolled all the way down. At a stoplight, located right next to Innocent Landowner's backyard, the excessive noise from A and N shouting the lyrics to "Shoop" interrupts a BBQ that Landowner is having with his future in-laws, who Landowner desperately needs to impress in order to gain their approval to marry their daughter. Hearing the awesomeness from the car, however, makes Landowner dance like a white man and lose their approval immediately. Landowner is pissed. Meanwhile, A and N drive off when the light turns green. And Wally Witness can testify to that specific act in a court of law, under oath, while on cross-examination. N begins to speed excessively, but has no intention or malice to do so.

What crimes and acts of negligence can A and N most likely be held accountable for?

A. Creating a nuisance for Landowner due their "Shooping" while driving, which is offset by Landowner's comparative negligence in having horrible dance moves, which may actually be the proximate cause of losing his woman.

B. Nothing because State X can show a compelling interest for their "Shooping" while driving, and their "Shooping" does not violate the Privileges and Immunities Clause under the 14th Amendment because that is ALWAYS the wrong answer.

C. Guilty of absolute reckless awesomeness due to their "Shooping" while driving, and guilty of conspiracy to sing that song loudly while in the car. Evidenced by the fact that before entering the vehicle, N turns to A and says, "We are listening to "Shoop." It's that kind of night baby!" To which, A neither announced her desire not to be involved and did nothing to stop N, and instead, overtly inserted that CD.

D. All of the above.

E. None of the above because Landowner does not exist and is completely made up. And since when did the bar have option E. Shit, I'm going to fail.

Baby Name Correction

The link should be working now. Thanks for the call klollyh!

Baby Names

Hey good news everyone--I'M PREGNANT!

Just kidding. If that were true, this post would be titled "Worst Day Ever" or nothing at all b/c I'd be passed out from the heart attack I had. Oh don't worry, someday I will bring pure excellence into this world and train him or her well! But for now, I thought I'd just share some hilarious ditties from a site I came across. The premise of the site is basically to make fun of names people call their children. I've clipped a few you, but if you want more, click the link at the bottom. Enjoy!
-------------------------------
I m thinking of naming my baby Vashara Rashea.
That sounds ominously close to part of the chant to summon the demon Pazuzu!

What does everyone think of Atticus Charles? Girl's name, Aubriana Kai. Older sister is Cassandra Jane, deceased older brother was David Thomas.
I think he'd grow up to shoot a mad dog in the street in a moment revealing the barbarity of even the most civilized in society.
Aubriana would grow up to shoot lasers from her fingers and join the X-Men.
Either way, they're set for life what with their late brother's popular fast food chain.

I grew up with a "grown-up" name (Victoria) and a "kid" name (Tori), as did my sister. I have always liked having both available....so we plan on naming our firstborn son Creighton.
At last! A breath of logic! When he's little, he can be called....Crate of Shit. Or One-Ton Creighton. Or Mr. Defies the I before E rule. And when he's older, you won't know what he's called, 'cause you won't be on speaking terms.

I think it's good to name your baby a name different from anyone else baby, because there is so many people who have the same name your baby have or it's very difficult. Also, it's hard to name your baby a different name, because when you think that no-one have that name there will be someone who have the same name your baby have when think you have named your baby different. so, you really can't have any name that's different from anyone unless it's something made up.
Judging from this entry, I think this person named their child, "Have."

My father-in-law has talked me into naming my new baby boy "Ovie Cecil [last name] IV." I really don't care for the name but I'm willing to name him that if I have a good nick-name. I need help!!
Don't worry. You never could have seen it coming when you married Ovie Cecil III.
He can always grow up to be an off-Broadway theater award!
-----------------------------------

Yes this is what I did while "grading" my MBE. Awesome! For more go here.

I'm gullible. . .

This is an open apology to Niki for not realizing she was not the "Niki" who commented on my blog. That instead was oh, let's just call him what he makes all of us call him -- "the Warlock."

You won this battle Warlock, but the war is not over yet. ha!

Anal Bleaching

Have you ever heard of this craziness? Apparently, I'm way behind on the times. I'm studying, and the topic of anal bleaching comes up, unbeknowst to any of us on how it did. Anyways, according to Wikipedia, anal bleaching is what caucasian pornstars do to lighten their buttholes. That's just wrong and disgusting. But I've decided to educate you about the process with this helpful visual aid:

Now for the best part. . .

Some dude asked the following question on some type of I need help website:

"Im thinking of having my anus bleached?
but im damned if im paying 50 quid for it , could i do it myself with some Domestos and a toothbrush ?"

That's just awesome.

The Return of Mr. T

Since I had just posted about T, I thought we could use some more advice from Mr. T. So I found this, and well, there just aren't any words. None.

The Return of T

That's right--I saw T once again. It was glorious!

Niki, Rich, Clay and I were at 216 again--I know it's embarrassing. Anyways. I look up and it's T. And he remembers us!!! That's not all he remembered.

He started doing his creepy T "I'm coming to lay one on you" routine, and I was fighting it profusely. He lands one on my cheek, ick, and then moves in for the lips. I quickly turn my head, and he says, and I'm quoting b/c it is so excellent:

"I wasn't going to kiss you on the lips. Don'cha remember, we're brotha and sista?"

YES I REMEMBER T! It was so excellent. I cannot believe how awesome that is.

Clay and I were fortunately able to escape T after that and we headed out. Poor Niki though--she got a lot more of T. If she gives me permission to - I'll fill you in. Until now, T's absoludicrousness will just have to wait. . .

AC Wrap-up, Part I

Ok little birds, I'm going to wrap-up the AC saga--finally. And I'm doing it highlight style. Hold on tight.

1. The BUFFET--Let me just say that Khang and I were obese. They had crab legs--my favorite! It was awesome. We ate a lot. But what was really funny about the buffet was, and I'm sorry to do this to you Khang, but after we ate - Khang had to buy elastic shorts. I'm laughing hysterically now as I type it. Sure he says it was b/c we had a long-ass drive home, but we know Khang-we know.

2. Sidenote: AC has some nice outlet shopping!

3. After our shopping spree, we took a detour down the wrong road. We're walking along, and then Khang looks up and says, "Amber, we need to get out of this neighborhood." Me: "STAT."

We were in the GHETTO. There were broken beer bottles everywhere. Abandoned buildings. It was not the glitz and glam of AC for sure. As we're trying to get back to the Boardwalk, we walk through this group of guys, who were all in the same outfit. And yes, one had his pants so low, you could actually see half of his bare ass. Super hot. As soon as we get away from them, Khang says, "Was that Boyz II Men? I mean they were all dressed alike." He then busted out in their hit song "Yesterday."

The rest of the trip went down like this:
Khang and I had to take refuge in the nearby, rundown HS. Across the street from the high school was this rundown, littered, fenced-in field.



[Sorry for small photo-but this was taken on my phone.]
Anyways, we wanted to revamp the field to make it a safe place for us. But first, we had to learn AP Math, in order to pass an exam to graduate. We fought such a suggestion b/c afterall, we were just 2 kids from the streets of AC, trying hard to resist the Boyz II Men gang. But thankfully we had a teacher who saw our potential.

AC Wrap-up, Part II

Saga continued . . .

On the night before the test, Khang had a moral dilemma. His best friend of 17 years, who went to juvie for him, needed Khang's help. See this friend was in the gang Boyz II Men, and he needed Khang to go with him to shoot at the rival gang, Color Me Badd. But at the same time, I was in my dance try-out for Juilliard. What to do???

To make this long story finally end-we passed our test. I rocked my dance routine. We made it back to the Boardwalk. What a day!

And with that my friends, I have decided that the rest of AC shall remain a mystery. Unless Khang writes his guest blog, where he describes the line fight he was in at the Nike store.

Commenting

Thanks Khang for letting me know that I was blocking people from commenting. You can now comment--have fun kids!

B/c it just makes me laugh . . .

One chopped up seed smoothie please!

Watermelon = Good
Mango = Delicious
Yogurt = Great
Watermelon, Mango Smoothie = Nasty crap

This is what Khang drank in the AC, on the boardwalk, surrounding by fanny pack excellence that can never be matched. Mind you the seeds were still in the watermelon, and just grinded all up in that nastiness.

That's just wrong, and I tasted it, it tasted like avocado. Again, I repeat - nasty.

But dammit--I love that Khang!

On an unrelated note - I kid you not, just about every dude we saw in AC had the same hair. Massive amount of hair gel. Hair spiked all over. It looked just like this:



I don't know who made that THE style, but I love them for it. OH no no, not b/c I like it, but b/c well, it's just special, in the little yellow bus kind of way.

Murderabilia

I just read this article about cracking down on murderabilia, which refers to items connected to gruesome crimes. Here's a fun clip from the article:

" Murderabilia ranges from the mildly curious to the downright vile. At the tamer end of the spectrum, for instance, there's artwork by killers like Ted Bundy or Jeffrey Dahmer. More unsettling are things like murderers' fingernail clippings or foot scrapings. Daisyseven.com claims to have fashion magazine pages that Wayne Lo has allegedly defiled by drawing vampire teeth and bloodstains on the models' photos. The pages supposedly even have Lo's sperm on them."

Maybe we should work on laws that do something about the sick freaks who want to buy that stuff, instead of merely taking that stuff off the market. FOOT SCRAPINGS-seriously?!?!

Superhero lip care

Just a random note -

I got an email from Body Works about a recent sale. Anyways, I was browsing at the lip care items, and there was a whole bunch of chapstick. There was a list of mango chapstick, hemp lip care chapstick, and then "Stop Violence in the Home" chapstick.

If you just read that quickly, it makes it seem like if your man is beating you, just put this on, and it'll stop.

Made me laugh . . . not that DV is funny. It's not.

My Fate

As we were strolling down the Boardwalk, I decided to have my palms read. I will now share with you what I learned.

I will live a very long life, with one marriage. I will have 3 kids. All natural--oh yay! I will be getting married THIS YEAR! [Holy crap - this is all happening too fast.]

I will always be independent, never relying on anyone. [Maybe I should use that as my pick-up for my very soon-to-be hubby.] I do not trust women, and never will. [Awesome!]

My career will involve helping kids. [Now this one was a little creepy--that is what I want to do long-term. Twilight Zonish, right?]

Overall message - Come this September, I will be happy. Things will begin to turn around for me positively. [Now this is exciting b/c Sept. is when I move to NYC. Given the coincidences, I'm accepting this fate as true. Woohoo!]

Yeah I lost $ in AC - $157 in tolls that is

It's about 9:30 p.m., and Khang and I roll out of Cville on a mission to AC. We're rocking out to a mix of awesome 80s and 90s, with a little stand-up comedy thrown in. We're sharing deep dark secrets. Braiding each other's hair-you get the picture.

Then, we realize we're coming up to some tolls. WE HAVE NO CASH! Khang frantically digs thru my wallet. I have $2 in bills and then he counts my change. Thankfully, I have an assload in change. While this story is horribly boring, I have to tell it in order to attempt to create a picture of paranoid Khang. He is death gripping my change for approximately 27 miles. He can't even change the iPod. Then, he obsesses over the fact that he forgot to grab his Easy Pass (or whatever they are called). We saw no fewer than 17 signs for those Easy Passes too--just mocking Khang about how we could have avoided all these tolls and barely even had to brake to do it. Anyways. . .after we pay our first toll of just $2, to which we cheered because we had $2, Khang smells his hands and says . . .

"Coins smell like potatos."

Silly Khang. Anyways, we were able to stop at an ATM and get more money. And thank God we did, b/c from here to AC, there are about 349 toll booths. Seriously--it was ridiculous! This toll system is ass-raping the American motorist.

24-hour AC Adventure Baby!

So it was a typical Friday night. I had plans to hang out with everyone later that evening on the Corner. Then, I got a pleasant surprise, Khang calls me and offers to make me dinner. Woohoo-I'm there. So I show up at Khang's. He made me some very delicious chicken in a white wine, cough cough gravy cough, sauce. Then, we head out to Rapture for some tasty desserts.

We're eating some creme brulee and apple pie, washing them down with beer, which by the way tastes like ass with sugar. Anyways . . . Khang goes -- "Hey, let's go to Atlantic City." Trying to call his bluff, I say "let's do this." After about five minutes of asking each other if we were serious--we decide to really do this. Holy Shit! We were so excited, we almost ran from our Rapture table without even paying! Dine and Dash! Don't worry, we paid.

So we rush back to his place, pack quickly, and then head to my place, and Khang gives me about 2.5 minutes to gather my belongings. And with that folks--we were off on our 24-hour AC Adventure!

I would now like to share this trip with you in installments. To come . . .
1. No money for tolls fiasco
2. Slots that Hate Me, but LOVE Khang
3. Amber's Date with Destiny
4. Nastiest Smoothie Ever
5. The BUFFET!
6. "Um, I think there was a line." [Insert Neck Roll Here]
7. "AmBER, NO."
8. Whatever else I remember later on

Right now, you'll just have to wait. I have to count my winnings - oh wait - I mean go beg for more money to live on.

A Week at the Gym

Because I needed a laugh, and sure thing, this does it for me every time. Keep your lameness comments to yourself. Anyways, enjoy . . .

Dear Diary,

For my 40th birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since playing on my college football team 25 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swimwear. My wife seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started!

The club has encouraged me to a keep a diary of my progress . . .

Monday:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me.

She is something of a Greek goddess with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woohoo!

Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. She took my pulse after 5 minutes on the treadmill. She was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attributed it to standing next to her in her Lycra aerobic outfit. I enjoyed wathching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was alredy aching from holding it in the whole time she was around.

This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!

Tuesday:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air, then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.

Wednesday:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by lying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals.

Driving was OK, as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky early in the morning, and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.

My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda puts me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to stimulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators?

Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy. She said some other shit too.

Thursday:
Belinda was waiting for me with vampire-like teeth exposed, as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help but being an half and hour late; it took me that long to tie my shoes.

Belina took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran an dhid in the men's room. She sent Larts to find me, and as punishment, put me on the rowing maching, which I sank.

Friday:
I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.

Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents on the floor, don't hand me the F*cking barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.

Saturday:
Belinda left me a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I didn't show up today. Just hearing her voice made me want to smash the maching with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remoted and ended up watching 11 straight hours of the Weather Channel.

Sunday:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today, so I can thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my wife, the bitch, gets me a gift that is more fun, like a root canal or a vasectomy.

Fashion Statements that MUST Stop

I just have to rant about this. In my class, more than one boy has been wearing colored flip-flops, such as bright red or green. THIS MUST STOP! It just looks weird. You, as a man, can wear any shade of brown, black, gray, even navy blue in the flip-flop world. You may not, however, support fluffy red flops, or bright ass green flops that match your shirt. What's next, matching eye shadow?

And while I'm on a rant--people must stop getting personalized license plates. No one cares that you love dance, or where you went to law school, or whatever. In fact, there should only be one personalized license plate allowed, and it should say: IMADBAG

That's it---if you want a personalized license plate, you should be forced to get that one b/c that is really what you are telling the world.

No Food for Fatties on Sundays

Restaurants in this town literally shut down at the ass crack of dawn on Sundays. Mr. Big (you know who you are) and I were trying to track down food at oh, the late late hour of 9 pm, only to find just about every restaurant was closed.

The kicker is - even though they were closed, they all practically had their doors unlocked though. So you opened the door with the false hope of getting some food and service, only to be shot down by an employee. And shot down like this:

Mr. Big politely opens door for me. We both enter. See a few people walking around, not quite sure if they are open or not. Greeted by Asian man, who says,
"Hello. Why are you here?"

Um. . .lock your damn door!

Full Throttle: Frozen Fury (aka 7/11 Icee)

Amber at counter: "I'd like one super delicious Icee please."

7/11 Cashier: "Sure thing. That'll just be one ass rape, or seven if you're nasty."

While the above transaction didn't technically occur like that--it might as well have. It's 11:30 on a Saturday night, and Niki and I are in our PJs with no bras on. Niki also had on socks w/ flip-flops. She would like to add right now that those socks were canary yellow furry socks. I had a craving for an Icee because I'm 6. So I make Niki come to 7/11 with me, who was just trying to read Harry Potter and go to bed because she is dying from TB. She agrees to come only on the promise that she will not have to leave the car. I was cool with that.

First stop - 7/11 that is 1 block from house:
Everyone and their brother were there. Literally a brother too--sausage fest. We pull in and see the massive amounts of weiner at the 7/11 and I decide that I just cannot go in with no bra on and escape an ass raping. I was wrong . . .

Second stop - 7/11 that is about 2 blocks from house:
Again - packed full. I am about to go in and obtain my delicious frozen beverage, when the scariest old man of all time was standing outside, looking at us, and practically jerking it and licking his lips. Terrified, Niki quickly and smartly removes the furry socks so she can accompany me inside. And thank god--I cannot be friends with someone who wears socks and flip-flops in public. We go in only to find out that we are overdressed for this occasion. Everyone was in house slippers and robes practically. It was awesome! Niki checks out the pizza. Wrong move. It had been there for no fewer than 5 days. It was plastic and brown where it shouldn't be brown. Then she moves onto the hotdog/taquito display. Wrong move. They were turds. Literally--most disgusting long, log-shaped brown thing I have ever seen.

I pay for my Icee, and we go back to car. Creepy old man, still in same spot. Two guys are in the backseat of some car parked next to us. The windows were tinted, but we could still clearly see his death stare at us through the darkness. It was frightening! I have never seen such pure hatred in one's eyes before. So I bolt away. Only to come home to more scariness . . .

We are getting out of the car, and this one car is stopped with its lights on, staring at us. I try to investigate, but Niki quickly grabs my arm and says, "Why are you still watching?!" We run into the apartment. But oh wait -- Niki left those damn canary yellow furry socks in my car, and she cannot sleep without them. So I take a big slurp from my Icee and go to Recon. I scale the wall of our apartment like a fucking ninja. Niki follows, Jack Bauer style. I get to the car, and as I am about to grab those damn socks, the man is parking and getting out of his car. (So not a scary rapist, just a resident.) Niki goes, "Oh, it's John." Silence. Dead silence. Not John.

We go back inside. We literally just escaped how many ass rapings? But seriously--this Icee is delicious!

Um, Can I Buy a Vowel?

Alcohol is my best friend. It helps to make things funnier. It helps me forget most of the embarrassing things I do. It makes most boys here seem much cuter and interesting than they really are. It brings friends together and encourages you to tell all your deep dark secrets to one another. It can do many things, but one thing it cannot do - erase your stupidity and drunkiness from your cell phone. Allow me to demonstrate:

Last night was Cathleen's bachelorette party. It was a lot of fun - filled with lots of alcohol to make it even better! We bar hopped. We drank. My breasts were compared to the Alps. We drank some more. I told the cab driver my creepy cab driver story by talking very slowly in a scary whisper to everyone in the car. We then became creepy ourselves and headed to Coupe's. We drank even more. And then -I met a boy. We laughed, talked, and exchanged numbers. I wish I could tell you this boy's name, but I can't. But I can tell you how I programmed his name into my phone last night after having way too much alcohol . . .

Apmdmd

HI-larious! I'm so fucking awesome. What was I possibly thinking at the time I input that combination of letters, or more accurately consonants. Lucky for me though, my best friend alcohol erased that thought pattern for me!

Good news though boys and girls. . .we are meeting up this week. Now I just have to let him know that I have no idea what his name is. Ah, I really do love alcohol!

I Love America!

So I have stooped to a new low - yes I am watching "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?" This show is excellent in the sense - people are motards. The first guy I watched is some CFO and father of 5, b/c apparently the number of children he has should give us an idea of how smart he is. If you ask me - father of 5 = dumb. Alright, he chose the category of "Second Grade Math." Here was his question:

Joe always goes bowling three times a week. How many times does he go bowling in 11 weeks?

Now, he did end up getting the right answer, but not without must stress and second-guessing. His first concern was that Joe might go bowling more than three times a week? WHAT?!?!? This isn't a trick question - he ALWAYS goes bowling three times a week. Then he had to doublecheck his math of 33. FA-nomenal!

It gets better. This genius father of 5 "flunks out" of the game with this question:

This man made object was completed in NY in 1825. It connects the Hudson River to the Great Lakes.

Now the answer is the Erie Canal, which again, he did not get. But it won't surprise you once you hear his response:

"I didn't even know there was a river in New York."

I feel sorry for his children.

Respect the Rock

You can click on the image to make it bigger.

Quote Game

Quote of the weekend (yes--this is better than T's advice):

"Amber, I think I left my pants at the gas station." -Niki

In what context was this quote given:

(1) In the cab ride home, after dancing it up at 216

(2) After Niki accompanied T into a gas station (ew)

(3) While floating in a kayak inbetween rapids, and it was shouted from far away to Amber in another kayak, causing the other white water rafters to laugh and inquire into the insanity of such a comment

(4) Who knows because Niki is crazy and will say anything, and this is why she is loved by many

The Wisdom of T

Nik & I finally made it out to Club 216 this past weekend, after three long years. As we were heading over there, we were graced with running into none other than the man known as "T." Oh, T, sweet, sweet T. T was (hopefully) a highly intoxicated, and highly sketchy fellow. He originally approached us because he needed advice on what to do about his friend of 20+ years, who just told T that he was gay. Letting Rich handle the situation, Nik & I ran ahead, so I cannot tell you how he was advised to his situation. But thankfully, T caught back up with me. I will now share with you the wisdom of T:

"Hi there, sista. See I call you sista because we are like brothas and sistas. And you have to treat a lady with respect. So I call her sista so she knows right away that I'm not just out to fuck her. Because most guys just want to bust a nut with all women. And I like to get to know them before we start fuckin', so I call them sista, and I'm their brotha. Cuz brothas and sistas don't fuck each other."

Now those are some words to live by! Between T and Dr. T (see last post), you my readers should be set.

Absoludicrous!

"One out of One Dr. T's recommend it." It doesn't get better than this folks.

F*ck You Real Cherries!

Just a little observation I had yesterday. Who eats fresh cherries? Really? No one does. Yet most people always prefer cherry flavored (or "red" flavor if you will) foods/drinks. Or you eat cherries soaked in a cherry flavored syrupy substance in pies, on cakes, whatever. If you say you actually buy cherries at the grocery store and eat them in lieu of a banana, apple, or some grapes -- you are a liar! I don't get this - we love cherry flavored crap or even cherry scented crap, yet we constantly pass right over the fresh cherries in the market. Come to think of it--can you even buy them? I have no memory of even seeing a fresh cherry. Awesome.

While I'm on a little kick about fruit as well--F*ck you grapes! You are always so delicious in the beginning, but after a few handfuls, you make me want to vomit and curse the day I ever ate a grape.

Sexy Red

Your Seduction Style: Siren / Rake

You possess an unbridled sensuality that appeals to many. The minute you meet anyone, you can make the crave you almost immediately. You give others the chance to lose control with you... spiraling into carnal bliss. A dangerous lover, you both fascinate and scare those you attract.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

I'm scary? And dangerous? Super hot. My bad. But then again, maybe this explains why JCVD would be cast to play me--is his excellence not scary and dangerous? Great.

Sexy Rex

Random Enjoyment Pt. II

Love this guy, but love the dad more!

Random enjoyment

I love commercials! This one is pretty funny!

Jesus Christ Venereal Disease

I have attempted to do the impossible, but I thought to myself today--it just needs to be done.

Backstory:

A few weeks ago, me and my 2 friends decided to put in a picture of the three of us into a website that analyzes the photo and tells you which celebrities you look like. Well . . . the results were hysterical. In a movie starring the ever so lovely Niki, Jessica, and Amber, none other than the following would be cast to portray our excellence:


Starring Fred Savage as Niki



Starring Anne Frank as Jessica





And the moment you've been waiting for . . .



Starring Jean-Claude Van Damme as Amber

How fantastic is this line-up? In a movie about myself, I had always pictured absolute awesomeness playing me--but never the likes of JCVD! Loves it!

Main Story:

OK--now that you understand I practically see myself as a young JCVD, I began to think about his excellence. And well, even though I am fabulous in every sense of the word, as are Niki and Jessica, none of us were so fabulous as to be cast as none other than CHUCK NORRIS. So I visited one of my favorite sites that always makes me giggle, and I have compiled the most hysterical Chuck Norris facts.

Excellent facts in random order - Stay tuned for Top 10

• Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is te most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 mintures of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vission, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
• If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?", he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
• CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
• Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
• If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
• Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
• Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
• How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.
• The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
• When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
• Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
• Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!
• Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
• Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
• There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
• There is in fact an “I” in Norris, but there is no “team”… not even close.
• Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
• Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.
• Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
• In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost their virginity to Chuck Norris. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly.
• Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.
• Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Chuck Norris will beat his ass and take it.
• Jean-Claude Van Damme once kicked Chuck Norris' ass. He was then awakened from his dream by a roundhouse kick to the face. (I got a shout out!)
• Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.
• They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn't take shit from anybody.
• There are no such things as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
• Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you...Forty seven times.
• The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.

Top 10 Baby

10. Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.

9. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

8. Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly as foolish enough to attack him.

7. Kenny G is allowed to live because Chuck Norris doesn't kill women.

6. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

5. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spend the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

4. Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except for pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

3. Chuck Norris does not teabag ladies. he potato-sacks them.

2. In the beginning there was nothing. Then, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked that nothing int he face and said "Get a job." That is the story of the universe.

1. An anagram for Walker Texas Ranger is KARATE WRANGLER SEX. I don't know what that is, but it sounds AWESOME.

Excellence

"I got you so wet, it's like a rainforest. Like Jurassic Park, except I'm your sexosaurus, babe.''
- R. Kelly on the song The Zoo - from his new album Double Up.

Now if that doesn't turn you on, I don't know what does. Sexosaurus--rrooooaaarrrr!

Recgina

So I got a phone call from my best friend yesterday. We were of course theorizing over Lost and what it all means - translated into me actually daydreaming over which Lost hunk I want to be stuck on an island with. Then she begins to tell me about the MOST HORRIFYING article she read at her doctor's office that day. Apparently she had read all the normal magazines, so out of boredom she began to read one of the parenting magazines. Well . . . it had an article on things that women who have never been pregnant don't actually know. Did you know that during birth if they cut you from the hoo-ha to the other hole lacking a cute name that it may NOT heal???? This is terrifying people. I will now never have children b/c of this. Who the hell wants one giant hole down there? A recgina if you will. As disturbing as this is, I'm just betting half of you still want to see a picture of this. Nastos - I can't believe I'm friends with you people.

First Post Ever. Worst Post Ever.

So my friend has a blog, and she has convinced me that I am so full of excellence that I too need a blog. However, I have my doubts that I can entertain anyone with my rantings. I'm always up for a good challenge -- so to my friend, who likes to be called Natasha, IT'S ON!